10/29/2024

I have a lot of hesitation when it comes to making a journal that is completely public. Most of my journaling has been in the form of venting, with long runon sentences that sound like the writings of a madwoman. I'm not sure how to even make my writing more palatable to regular people. But on the other hand, who the hell is going to be reading this? Is it my friends who I beg to look at my site updates? Or is it someone who has randomly stumbled upon my profile on Neocities? I have no clue who I'm writing for or what for. I think from now on I'll pretend it's just me myself and I on this little journal page.

Tomorrow is the day before Halloween which means it's one day closer to my favorite day of the year. Usually I'd be over the moon but this time it feels so different. There's something in the air that's making it feel really depressing and dull. No costume, no plans, no decorations- just the normal year round spooky decor I've put up in my room. The other day I had to fight with my mom to put my vampire Snoopy throw pillow on the couch. "You're too old for this bullshit" she told me, just days after complaining how she hasn't had the time to buy decorations at the store.

Last year was probably my favorite costume ever, and since I don't have one this year I think it's time to reminisce. Molly McIntire: All American Girl- everyone's favorite 18 inch doll from the 1940's. After dressing up as her I'm convinced it's my calling to wear berets and argle style sweaters with little shiny black mary janes. I had to keep reminding myself that Molly is cannonically like 11 years old because her outfit was so adorable I just wanted to live in it forever. I never actually had thee doll, she wasn't one of my favorites when I was a kid. This costume was especially easy since I already had the bangs and wear my hair in braids constantly- so much so that my dad calls me his Wednesday Addams. When it was time to go out at night I had drunk girls stopping me in the middle of the street to tell me how I "transported them into their childhood". Some younger girl even took a pic of my costume to send to her Grandma and gave me a long story about them playing dolls together. Truly a costume for the girlies.